barbie

(no subject)

So I'm writing a paper on love for my personal essay class and I decided to write about how all my experiences with cheating have affected my outlook on love and it's just majorly weird how I'm noticing things I never have before and thinking about things in new ways.

But the thought that weirded me out the most is this one:
How different my life would be if I still thought I was a lesbian.

I mean holy shit.  That's three "relationships" I'd never have had.  THREE.  Plus a lot of other bumps down the road.

Just weird.

And now I'm seeing how past relationships have affected the ones have had more recently and I just never thought it' be such a huge impact.  I guess I should have assumed but it's just strange to see it so clearly.

I'm kinda annoyed though cause I can't write everything I want to.  There's still three more sections I want to get to, but I'm already at the max required amount of pages and it's only one section... oops.  So there's a lot I'm leaving out of my final copy.  I think I'm gonna finish them and post it somewhere.  I mean I have rough versions written already so I may as well polish them up a bit.

Anywayz, enough of that.

I'm coming home saturday!!  I can't believe this semester is almost over!!  When the hell did that happen??  Crazyness.

[[rose]]
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
the world sucks

(no subject)

So next weekend I'm going to NYC and performing for circus.  Um, fabulous much?  Yes!

Then the weekend after that I come home for a whole week.

Kinda crazy.

In other news, I wish I could control my emotions.  You'd think that after about a month and a half you'd at least be almost over someone you had a week long "relationship" with but I guess not.  Nope, in reality you're just as hung up on them as the day we ended it... whatever it was.

Bleh.

Yeah... we're friends.  Sure.  Even though one of us keeps thinking about you and worrying about you and being extremely jealous of your girlfriend and isn't sure if the thought that I'm better for you than her or that she is better for you than me is worse and tries not to let you catch on how being near you makes me smile and then as soon as you leave everything aches and feels hollow because the moment couldn't last and every time I'm near you I try to come up with an excuse to hug you and then try to make the hug last as long as possible and when you let go it feels like I'm giving up oxygen and when I'm upset I know you can make me feel better in 5 seconds flat but when you leave I'm even sadder than before because I can't do all this for you because you see me as this amazing person, who makes you forget all your problems, who makes you laugh and feel like you mean something, that you matter but to have all that not be enough...
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
accidents

(no subject)


Hey guys I've got a really random question and the internet isn't helping me answer it so maybe y'all can help:

What's a first start savings account???
and what would happen if I were to transfer money from that account to my savings account, for instance would a notification separate from my bank statement be mailed to me?

Yeah... weird and random I know, but if anybody knooowwws, please help!

<3zzzzzzz

bananas

(no subject)

OMG I just got back from doing the most awesome thing everrrr.

So right now on campus chalk is considered vandalism.  And later today there's a meeting to decide whether or not it should be continued to be considered as such so my two friends and I just got back from drawing messages (in chalk) about how chalk shouldn't be considered vandalism.

It was pretty fantastic!!

^_^

Edit:  They washed it away this morning during my 9:25 class!!!  BULL SHIT!  So not cool.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished
the world sucks

(no subject)

So I've noticed an interesting pattern in the "relationships" (for lack of a better term) that I've been getting into.

For starters, the fact that I have to put relationship in quotes.

Go me.

Not really.

The point, it's really weird and I can't blame it on chance anymore.  I have to start looking inward to figure out why I keep landing myself in situations like this, buuut that's so much easier said than done.  I don't even know where to begin or what to do with that information if I am able to figure all this shit out.

Ugh.  Life.

Ugh. Emotions.

Ugh.  People.
  • Current Mood
    drained drained
the world sucks

(no subject)

Spill Canvas - Your Evil Soul

These pills aren't working anymore
My guts are spilling out onto the floor
Of a nightmare you wouldn't believe
Of a nightmare you could not conceive of

You're floating above my head
There are words carved in my chest
And they said...
"Could somebody show me the kind of affection
That you only see in the movies, you know what I mean"

I will suck the elixir from your fingertips
Until I feel my head start caving in
My mouth will overflow with your evil soul
And I'll be convulsing for days in this hole
Bubbling at the lips that you used to love to kiss
Well, I think I'm trying to wake up, but I can't

These pills aren't working anymore
My eyes are gouged out and rolling under the door
It blacks out the
Nightmare you wouldn't believe
A nightmare you could not conceive of

You're floating above my head
There are words carved in my chest
And they said...
"Could somebody show me the kind of affection
That you only see in the movies, you know what I mean, you know what I mean"

I will suck the elixir from your fingertips
Until I feel my head start caving in
My mouth will overflow with your evil soul
And I'll be convulsing for days in this hole
Bubbling at the lips

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through
It's okay I forgive you
Just know that when you see me cringe sometimes
I'm trying to rid the poison from my mind

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through
It's okay I forgive you
Just know that when you see me cringe sometimes
I'm trying to rid the poison from my mind

I will suck the elixir from your fingertips
Until I feel my head start caving in
My mouth will overflow with your evil soul
And I'll be convulsing for days in this hole

  • Current Mood
    numb numb
wtf slut

(no subject)

I am in awe of my ability to continue doing stupid shit over and over and over and over (etc) and never learning from it.
  • Current Mood
    disappointed disappointed
obsess

(no subject)

hey guys, back in ithaca and i'm kinda homesick.

I hate change.  Once I adjust back into college life i'll be more or less good, but until then: homesickness to the max.

I miss you guys.  I wish ya'll weren't so far away, but I <3 IC sooo it creates a minor problem.

bleh, unpacking is a bitch.  I'm so glad it's done.

*sigh*

call/text/im/message often.

<3zzzzzzz
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent